You don't see it when your in it

He'd messaged like old friends catching up, each detail as frivolous as the last.

The only part left to bare, caught in its nakedness, was paid for with perspiration. My heart thumped as loud as immigration knocking at the door.

It was 00:44 am. No body but my thumping conscious was knocking. Louder with each look. The only thing catching up was what I second-guessed.

How had I been so stupid was my first thought. Then it ran into the second and spilt all over the third.  All one thought magnified with sweaty palms, a pounding heart and a gut that could rumble with rocky. Right there.

How did I let this foolishness slide? I thought I was smarter than this?  

I kept quiet, acted like I did not know. But I knew. It was silly to think that we were on the same page. I was lying to myself. You could not go the distance.  

So I distanced myself.  

Only once you are out of it do you see what you chose to keep in the rearview.